Hello Amazing WON and welcome back to Won-on-Wednesday!
While I knew I was going to be writing on the Highway-WON series I introduced last week, I wasn’t really sure where I was going to start. And just like the awesomeness that is faith, perfect events conspired to guide me in the right direction and whispered in my ear what I should share. Or maybe what I don’t normally share, but want to CHANGE to start being more open about my experience, stories and maybe a little wisdom.
Where you want to go in life depends a lot on the vehicle(s) you use to get there. And while the vehicle itself is important, the skills and abilities YOU bring to the table while driving that vehicle are just as important. Along with your ability to adjust and grow in skill as life and your goals change.Rolo the Co-Pilot – Old Dog, New Tricks!
I was just reminded of a skill that I am developing and that has been a work in progress. And sometimes, I’ve received positive feedback, and others not so much. The later was the case this week. For a lot of reasons that I’ve spent a lot of therapy dollars on to understand, I don’t always share a lot of personal information about myself, this is especially true when I first meet a person. Rather, I’m sincerely interested in the people I’m around and tend to ask questions and then do my best to BE QUIET and actually listen to their answers. I’ll try not to interrupt, with varying degrees of success, but I am absolutely and fully engaged in the conversation because, in that answer, there is almost always something else that sparks my curiosity – a topic they mention, a change in tone or expression, a word choice or an entirely new reference or tangent and the process starts again. I think it has to do with the ENFP of my Campaigner Personality and years spent consulting and problem solving with clients. While I believe that this curiosity, caring, listening, questioning and interest is one of my superpowers, like all good things, it can also be a weakness – especially in relationships.
While we all know that most people love to talk about themselves, (which can be it’s own challenge) when I don’t share enough about myself, my true self, that can also be a problem. When meeting new people, my curiosity and questions can also leave the other person feeling like the conversation has been one-sided, or worse, be seen as avoidance or an unwillingness to share about who and what I am about. And while I will admit I have done that in my personal life and especially in my work life as a consultant (which helped me develop this superpower in the first place) that’s not the person I want to be going forward. But old habits and superpowers can be hard to break. So what do you do? You buy a new truck – to help you remember what it feels like to change. (You can also decide that you’re going to write an article like this every week for a year to get better at expressing personal thoughts, ideas and growth, but based on the experience right now, I’d recommend the truck! 😉
When you want to go places you’ve never seen, you might have to become things you’ve never been and drive things you never thought you would. <- Doesn’t that sound nice? Just do and be something different. Why doesn’t anyone ever talk about how ridiculously hard that is? The doubts, the anxiety, the ‘will I be liked’, ‘what if I’m not’, ‘Am I ready to stand for this?’ ‘Am I a fake because I aspire to this but feel like I suck at it most days?’ ‘Can I handle the positive and negative feedback?’ Will the list of doubts ever end? Let’s find out together.**
My previous vehicle was a 2016 Jeep Wrangler Unlimited Hard Rock Rubicon. GOD, I LOVED THAT JEEP! At the time, my absolute dream car – brand new off the lot at the perfect time and at the perfect price. It had everything I wanted, the color, the look, the sound system, the fun. She was my third Jeep and I thought my last car – a long-term relationship for sure! Rolo was pretty fond of the Jeep as well!
And then things changed, the world changed and I changed and I realized that I wanted to go places and do things the Jeep wasn’t equipped to handle. I wanted to be able to tow a large trailer/RV, not with the Jeep. I wanted to go more than 65 mph on the highway and feel just as comfortable as at 35, not in the Jeep. While the Jeep was great around town and in some very specific situations (off-roading for example), my life was beginning to require more flexibility, greater strength and power, and the ability to go to places much further away – literally and figuratively.
Enter GiGi – a 2019 Dodge Ram 3500 Laramie pickup truck, and a diesel which we will get to in a minute. In classic Jack style, I go from shopping from a 1500 to a 2500 Dodge Power Wagon all the way to a 3500. While those numbers and the progression may not mean much to some of you, the point being, a truck was already a big change and it only got BIGGER! This is my first truck and there have been a lot of things I didn’t know and have had to learn – about myself, my preferences and how I drive, and about the truck itself. But one of the biggest differences is that GiGi is a diesel truck.
For those of you that have only driven cars that run on gasoline, a diesel is an entirely different ballgame. It is different from the way it sounds, the way it accelerates, the way cruises, the power it can produce and how long it will last and where you can fuel it. It’s like taking everything you know about a car and changing WON fundamental system that impacts just about everything else. The source of power for that truck is different than anything I’ve every driven before. And that takes an awareness and acceptance that I often have to remind myself of. Does taht sound familiar to the world right now? This world has changed in some very fundamental ways and while it’s still the same, it’s also entirely different in places! And that has a huge impact on who we are, what we do and how we relate to others in some very fundamental ways as well.
Why am I telling you all this? Because I’m reminding both of us that internal change is as much of a challenging process as changing a meaningful material item in our lives. And whether that be a house, a vehicle or a geographic location, change is hard in the best of times, much less trying to make changes in our recent environment! Writing this post on change is hard! Workign remotely has been hard! Working out has been hard! And yet, I’m reminding myself that the awkwardness and discomfort I feel with all of the changes is part of the process. And it’s growth – and that is what I am here for and want to support YOU in.
I don’t want to run my relationships and my life on something that isn’t serving me any longer. There are places where ‘I’ve been there, done that’ and know it’s not for me. I’m working to be more aware of what it means to ‘change my fuel’ and run on vulnerability, authenticity, open communication and self-expression, but it’s a big change. It changes how I fuel up and, like diesel, sometimes limits the places and people where I can accomplish that goal. It changes the power and strength I have in my life and gives me new abilities in the relationships and people I want to travel with. And hopefully, is much more sustainable and durable – a gasoline engine warranty is 100k, my diesel is 300k – and that’s a BIG difference in the length and depth of a relationship I can create. We can take this time to adjust and transition to a life that’s more in alignment with who we are.
If you’re like me, you find yourself asking important questions that you may or may not know the answer to!
- What vehicle were you driving?
- What do you want to drive next?
- Where do you want to go – similar places from the past or brand new places in the future and why?
- Does it require a vehicle with special abilities or characteristics or are there a lot of cars that might fit the bill?
- Do you want to lease or buy or are you just out test-driving because you don’t even know if you’re ready to own a car, much less, what kind?
The important part is that you are ASKING THE QUESTION!
And along with that personal awareness of what I’m going through, comes the awareness in meeting new people in my life – especially given this amazing journey that I am on. While there are so many ways we are similar in wheels, tires, and engines along with bodies, thoughts, and feelings, we can be so different in experiences, journeys, and in what and how we fuel. Recognizing those differences in people and understanding the impact that can have on who they are and how they are showing up is so important. An extra taking an extra breathe, sharing a moment of kindness, seeking understanding before judgment, and offering forgiveness before accusation and blame is more important and sometimes feels harder to give than ever. Am I the only one who often feels a different level of frustration while driving? #roadrage
This new person/car/world doesn’t operate the same as our last one and that can take some getting used to. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t come with it’s own benefits, it just means we may have to adjust to what we think we know. Ask more questions, do some research, drive it a few times to learn more about how it works and be willing to listen to the answers. But with a little time and understanding, it could also become your WON and only ride or die for you to build a new life around.
** No, they don’t end. I think you just learn to love them as a beautiful part of the growth process and that when they show up, that means you are on the right path.